


Shih: the army (group action)

by Zooey_Glass



Series: I-Ching [3]
Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Gen, missing moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-28
Updated: 2008-09-28
Packaged: 2017-10-02 01:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zooey_Glass/pseuds/Zooey_Glass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing POV from the BDM: <em>Zoe wishes like hell she was back in the army</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shih: the army (group action)

_'She's right! Everybody's dead! This whole world's dead for no reason!' _

River's freaking out, screaming and raving, and Jayne's voice has a level of scared that Zoe's never heard in it before. It couldn't ever be said that he's a thinking man, but she can tell he's thinking now, imagining a thousand things too horrible for words, same way they all are. She and Mal are both tense, poised for action, but there's no enemy here that Zoe can see, just acres of shiny white prosperity filled up with slow death.

Zoe wishes like hell she was back in the army.

She'd never, not in a million years, have thought that she could miss anything about that valley of death, where blood and fire and horror had rained down on them all without respite. She'd fought her way through that war without ever giving herself a moment to think about anything except dodging the next bullet; sticking to Mal and following orders had replaced all the thinking and debating and doubt she'd been partial to before the war. Doubt got you killed: the only way was to keep on, stick to your guns. Once it was over she'd locked all that up in a dark corner of herself and sworn never to revisit it again.

Now she's standing here under the bleaching light of a world gone wrong and thinking that there's worse things after all than fighting in a war you've got no chance of winning.

Because through all that horror, they'd been an _army _. True, they might have been serving under generals who barely knew they existed, but there'd been the mission. A soldier's job was to follow orders, and damnit if Zoe hadn't followed orders. Truth was, by the end it was her and Mal issuing the orders, but Mal had chosen to carry that burden. Zoe had followed Mal, and carried others along with her as best she could. And if the whole thing made her sick to her stomach by the end, well. At least their soldiers had _chosen _ to fight in that war.

Zoe stands there amidst her crewmates and knows none of them chose this. She's no doubt the Alliance is painting them as some kind of guerilla army, when the truth is all they've done is run and keep on running. Now there's nowhere left to run, nothing left to do but turn and fight. And maybe that wouldn't be so bad, except there's nothing here _to_ fight. No chance of going down in battle, just death and menace pressing down on them from all sides. And Mal is leading this mission, just like he's led every mission she's ever been on, but there are no orders to be had now, not even the kind you make up just so's you can keep breathing for another couple of hours. She still believes in him, she truly does, because she can see how all their choices led to the day where this was the only place they could have ended up, but she can tell he's lost for words now. If even Mal can't find the orders which will keep them pushing on, keep them breathing for another day, they're humped.

Jayne's words hang in the air for what seems an age. And then, miraculously, Wash speaks.

'Let's get to the beacon.'

He's resolute in a way she hasn't seen since the day he insisted on walking right back into Niska's lair, and Zoe realises that for Wash, this _is _ a mission. He's quibbled and doubted and flouted Mal's orders through a million jobs, but now at last he's the one who sees the clear path while she's still looking for any kind of route at all. There's a distress beacon out there somewhere, so they have to get to it. They none of them expect to find anything alive on this godforsaken planet, but Zoe knows that that's not the concern for her husband. There's a call for help? Then they answer it.

What they do then is up to them.


End file.
